There Goes the Neighborhood
by Benji The Vampire Confuser
Summary: Beavis and Butthead join Generation X. Really.
1. Default Chapter

**There Goes the Neighborhood**

**By Benji The Vampire Confuser**

_Beavis and Butthead are the property of MTV, and are licensed to Marvel Comics. Generation X is the property of Marvel Comics._

_Surgeon General's Warning: Reading this story may result in spontaneous Beavis or Butthead imitations._

_F.B.I. Warning: Any person or persons caught taking this story seriously will be shot._

_Author's Warning: Read at your own risk. If you dare!_

* * *

**Highland, USA:**

"This is Trish Tilby reporting..."

"This sucks Beavis! Change it!" Before Beavis could change the channel however, an image of The Human Torch appeared on the screen.

"Woah. Fire! Heh heh. Fire!" Beavis commented.

"Huh huh. Fire's cool." Butthead added.

"Yeah, heh heh, cool. Fire, fire, fire! Heh heh heh heh."

"Shut up Beavis! I'm tryin' to hear the news chick!"

The next report was on the recent battle between The X-Men and Sabertooth the night before.

"Woah!" Butthead marveled, "That dude's cool!"

"Hey Butthead." Beavis asked. "You think I could kick his ass?"

"No way Beavis. He'd like, rip your guts out. Huh huh. That'd be cool. Mutant's rule." Suddenly, through some unexplainable disruption in the Space time continuum, Butthead got an idea. That's not to say it was a good idea.

"Hey Beavis, let's be Mutants."

"Yeah," Beavis agreed, not quite sure what Butthead meant, but not about to let on, "That'd be cool. Heh heh, um, heh."

* * *

**Westchester, NY**

Deep in the Mansion the X-Men called home, was the huge machine known as Cerebro. With this machine, Professor Xavier scanned the world for young mutants who may help him realize his dream of peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants.

*_Jean could you come in here for a moment?_* Xavier called to his student telepathically. She entered the computer room, slightly wary of the tone he'd used.

"What is it Professor? You look troubled."

"Unsure is more like it Jean. I've just located two minds that are so alien that they could only be Mutant's. But Cerebro doesn't read them." He frowned.

Jean frowned as well, this had never happened before. "Well where are they? Perhaps I could go and find out."

"No Jean, I think I'll leave this to Emma to investigate and recruit them if possible. New students are really her department now anyway. This has to be handled carefully however, they may have managed to shield themselves from Cerebro's sensors. If so, they must be powerful indeed."

* * *

**Highland**

Beavis had just changed the channel for the 50th time when the letter came. Glancing out the window, he saw a mail truck pull up to the beat up (literally) mailbox out front and after struggling with the jammed door, the mail man gave up and left the letter on top of the box.

"Hey Butthead. Heh heh. We got mail. Cool." He ran outside and retrieved the letter.

"Huh huh. Let's burn it." Butthead suggested. Perhaps today would not suck after all.

"No way Butthead. Let's open it." He started to tear open the envelope. "Heh heh. Maybe it's a bomb. Heh heh. That'd be cool. Heh heh, boom. Heh heh."

"You assmunch, they caught the Unabomber."

"The what?" He opened the letter. His eye's opened wide. "Hey Butthead, we're gonna go to a school in Massachusetts!"

"School? That sucks! Burn it! Burn it!" Butthead cried in fear and loathing.

"No way dumbass! It's a school for Mutants! Heh heh. They think we're Mutants! Heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

"Settle down Beavis!" He grabbed the envelope. "Hey there's three plane tickets here!" he held up the two tickets. (No I that's not a typo.) "We could get like ten dollars for these."

"No way Butthead. Let's go!"

"You dumbass! We can't go, we're not Mutants!"

"Sure we are. It says so right here." He pointed to the letter.

"Oh yeah. Huh huh. Cool. We're Mutants."

The two left the house, their hearts soaring with the coming adventure. Or in their minds, something cool was bound to happen.

"Hey Butthead," Beavis wondered. "Like how are we gonna get to the airport?"

"Uh," Butthead thought for a moment and looked around, "Uh, let's take Anderson's car." He turned towards their neighbor's driveway and car.

"Um, okay. Heh heh."

Butthead got into the drivers seat and looked at the dashboard.

Beavis got into the passenger seat.

"Um," Beavis said, "Like nothing's happening."

Butthead smacked Beavis. "You fartknocker! You have to start it first."

"Oh yeah!" Beavis began looking for the start up button. "Um, now let me see here, um,"

"Goll dangit!" Anderson said. "I done left the keys in the car!"

_Maybe this does it._ Butthead thought, turning the key. The engine sprung to life. "Woah! Huh huh, cool." He stepped on the gas.

The car rolled down the driveway, narrowly missing an oncoming car. "Hey watch it Dillhole!" Butthead said. "Huh huh, some people suck at driving."

* * *

Daria watched the movers load the last of their family's things into the moving van.

"Why do we have to move?" Quinn asked irritably.

"Have you looked at this neighborhood lately?" Daria responded. "Speaking of which..."

Beavis and Butthead rolled to a stop in front of Daria's house.

"Hey Diarrhea." Butthead smirked.

"I'm almost afraid to ask this, but where are you going?"

"We're like, gonna go to a school for Mutants." Beavis said. "Heh heh, cool, we're mutants." With that, they drove away.

"Somehow," Daria said, "I am not surprised."

* * *

The compartments above Beavis' and Butthead's seats hung open, and Beavis and Butthead sat, breathing deeply from the oxygen masks.

"This sucks Beavis." Butthead said through the mask. "I'm not getting a buzz!"

"Excuse me sir," the Stewardess said, "But those are in case of emergency only."

Beavis and Butthead didn't answer. Their attention was riveted on her chest.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh..."

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

_You think this was bad…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Emma Frost waited cautiously by the airport terminal. She knew from what Xavier had said, that she would have to be on her guard. These two mutants could possibly be the most powerful allies ever. Or the most terrible enemy she, or her students had ever faced. She looked again at the pictures of her new students. They'd both been mildly disfigured, possibly a side affect of their mutation. She wondered briefly at their names. They were very unusual. Butthead was obviously a code name, but what kind of name was Beavis?

She looked up as the plane's passengers began to disembark. She saw them approach her.

"Huh huh, hey Beavis, wouldn't it be cool if that lady just took off her clothes?"

"Yeah, heh heh. That'd be cool."

_Oh lord,_ she thought, _I hate it when I intercept thoughts like that. Wait a minute,_ she realized with horror. _I'm not reading their minds! They're saying that out loud!_

"Excuse me," she said out loud, "Beavis and Butthead?"

"What's up baby?" Butthead answered.

"My name is Emma Frost." she said coldly. "And that's Ms. Frost to you young man. Is that understood?"

"Uh, yeah."

* * *

On the Limo ride to the school, Emma tried to find out a little more about these two.

"So what are your Mutant Powers?" she asked.

"Uh, I can like, shoot fire out of my ass." Butthead said. "Huh huh. Fire. That's cool."

"I see, and you?" she asked Beavis.

"I throw mutant loogies. Heh heh. Yeah. Heh heh heh."

* * *

That night, Beavis and Butthead sat in the dining hall with the rest of the students. Everyone was trying not to look at them. Even Jubilee couldn't stand to see them eat.

"This stuff sucks!" Beavis exclaimed, rising from his seat. "What else you got?" He walked into the kitchen.

"Monet," Sean said, "Perhaps ye'd best go after him."

"Well with all respect Mr. Cassidy," Monet said, "No way."

Sean smiled slightly. "I sympathize lass but someone's got to."

In the end, they drew straws to see who would go after Beavis. Monet lost.

_If he touches me,_ she thought, _He's going into orbit._ Upon entering the kitchen, she was treated to an alarming sight. The room was a complete mess, with bottles of soda and food strewn about. And Beavis stood in the middle, apparently having some sort of seizure.

"Beavis are you okay?" she asked, concern creeping into her voice.

"Who is this Beavis?" he replied. "There is no Beavis here!"

Monet blanched and ran from the room. "Beavis has been possessed!" she shouted. Immediately Sean, Emma and the other students rose to their feet, getting ready for battle. All except Butthead.

"Huh huh, he's possessed. Huh huh, that's cool."

At that moment Beavis strode out the door, still shaking from his possession, obviously trying to fight it. His shirt was pulled over his head and his hands were in the air as if in surrender.

"I am Corholio!" he shouted. "My Bunghole will triumph over all!"

"I dinna know who ye think ye are Cornholio," Sean warned, "But if ye don't release the lad now ye'll wish ye had."

"Are you threatening me?" he replied. "You must bring me TP! TP for my bunghole!"

* * *

**One week later...**

Emma sat in her office, speaking to a concerned Professor Xavier. The feeling was mutual.

"Professor, I have reason to believe that these two boys have been driven completely mad by their powers."

Outside in the hallway, she could hear a conversation;

"Hey Mondo, you can turn into anything you touch right?" Butthead asked.

"Yes I can."

"That's cool. You could like, turn into a turd."

"Um yeah, right."

"I'm getting worried Charles." Emma continued. "I've had to stop the girls from killing them three times, and quite frankly, I'm starting to wonder why I should bother. Yesterday they tried to set the sign out front on fire! They're disruptive in class, and have yet to turn in a single piece of homework. No one will eat in the same room with them. Their Dorm room smells like something died in there. Even Mondo can't stand them, and he likes everybody!"

"Ms. Frost! Ms. Frost! Help!" came a shout from outside.

"Dear God what have they done now?" Emma hung up the phone and looked outside. She did a double take. Beavis and Butthead were nowhere to be seen. Instead, a man she did not recognize stood in the yard surrounded by the unconscious bodies of her students, and Sean.

She leapt out the window reaching out with her mind to find some idea of who this man was. But to her dismay, she hit a mental block so powerful that she could not penetrate it.

"Emma Frost!" the man said. "I have defeated your students and your partner! Your powers are useless against me!" Emma looked around desperately and realized with a start that there were two students that weren't present. She smiled dangerously.

"You haven't defeated us all madman." she said menacingly.

"Hah! Your puny mental powers are no match for my might!" Behind the man, two dark figures emerged from the forest.

"Hey uh, over here fartknocker!" Butthead said. Beside him, Beavis began to gather phlegm and mucus for his most colossal loogie yet.

The man turned, startled.

"What? Impossible! I would have sensed any more Mutants! No matter! I shall dispose of you as easily as I did these puny insects!"

"Insects are cool." Butthead said. Then, with all his strength, Beavis let fly with his loogie. The viscous ball of gunk flew strait and true. Beavis had perfected his aim against wind shear and distance from the roof of his previous school. The loogie struck the man right in the face.

"Ahh!" he cried. "My eyes! I'm blind!"

"Now Butthead!" Beavis cried. Butthead quickly dropped his pants, and concentrated.

"Here it come's Beavis!" Beavis held the lighter close to Butthead's butt as the gust of flammable gas erupted from his bowels. The horizontal column of flame was so hot that the air around them shimmered. The man burst into flame.

"Aaarrrgh!" the man ran screaming into the woods.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Sean and Emma went with Beavis and Butthead to the airport to see them off. Or, more to the point, to make sure that they left.

"Thank ye again for your help lads." Sean said hesitantly.

"No problem Dude." Butthead said. He and Beavis had decided, with a little encouragement from the other students, to use their talents to fight evil in their hometown.

"Hey Butthead," Beavis said as they boarded the plane, "Let's jump out of the plane when it's in the air!"

"Yeah! We could like fly and stuff."

Though both Emma and Sean heard that remark clearly, they did nothing to discourage them.

"Do you think we'll ever see them again Sean?" Emma asked.

"Let's hope not Lass." Sean answered. "Let's hope not."

The End


End file.
